Belle Update: Feb 28

The nurse said Arabella was doing well today. She was active and feisty when we got there so that eased our minds a bit. Her arms and hands were all over the place, pulling and tugging on the wires connected to her. Belle likes to help the nurses in whatever way she can. 

Something about last night just spooked us. But this morning it was bright and busy in the NICU.

A new day. 

They are going to be increasing her feeds tonight to 3mL (from 2mL). She's tolerating her food so that's a good sign. Hopefully she will start to gain weight and we can stop worrying so much. She can't really afford to lose any more.

Kiera and I were both able to give her a belly kiss today after Belle's skin-to-skin time. That's something new. She was so calm with Kiera. Basically sleeping the entire time they were together. She didn't want to acknowledge her dad today. She barely opened her eyes but I know she can hear me. 

I might hold her tonight or tomorrow. The nurses keep asking me when I'm going to do it. They probably think I'm scared but I just want Kiera to have her time with her. 

We're going back again to see Belle in a few hours. There's a class tonight too. It's all about "interacting with baby" so we're going to check it out. 

A bucket full of tulips

Last night was somewhat difficult. We went to visit Belle and she had dropped another 10 grams. Kiera and I started to get really worried. You don't want to see trends like that. Hopefully it's just her shedding water weight and not a sign of anything else. She now weighs 530 grams.

My parents came to visit Arabella last night as well. My dad reassured us not to worry. Kiera was distraught. Crying helps.

Together we all said a prayer around her incubator and blessed her.

Everyone did warn us that this was going to be a journey. 

My mom and dad gave us these pretty white tulips to take home. We didn't have a vase at the rental suite so we used a garbage bucket from the bathroom and washed it out. Whatever works, right? I really don't care. They're beautiful. Thanks mom and dad 💕

One day at a time

Belle's still very stable and doing well. She was down 10 grams today but that's not a huge concern. 

We learned a bit of new information, though.

There might be small amounts of bleeding happening in her brain. The doctor said it wasn't very much and it's quite common in preemies. It's technically called an Intraventricular Hemorrhage (IVH). There is no test that can accurately predict what a preemie will be like as a child, so only time and growth will show the impacts to her brain. That's why having a preemie is such a huge risk.

We're going to remain positive.

Another important note the doctor told us today was regarding a murmur in her heart. Essentially it could be a hole in either her heart or a valve. They will likely give her medication to help close it off, or she might simply be able to outgrow it. It happens. Or there's always surgery in the future but the doctor didn't mention anything like that yet.

One day at a time.

Kiera got to hold her again for the third day in a row. You can tell that both mom and daughter enjoy their time together. It's amazing to see them like that. 

We've been taking her temperature, changing her diaper, all of that fun stuff. I've been reading her a book everyday and overall we really feel like a family.

Being away from her was hard. Now we're checking up on her constantly. We're trying to get to know her nurses better too but there are a lot of them. It seems like there is a new one every second day. There is no consistency. They are all very nice, though. 

Kiera is still recovering very slowly. She needs a lot of help getting in and out of cars, getting into the bath/shower, and sometimes putting on her pants and socks. What are husbands for, right? 😄

She's using her breast pump every 3-4 hours and then storing the milk in plastic syringes. They chill in the fridge until we're ready to go back to the hospital with them. All those good antibodies will go a long way for Belle. 

Kiera and I are heading back to see her a bit later tonight.

A letter to God

I just received an email from youcaring.com (the fundraising website) which stated that our fundraiser is ranking in the top 1%. Who would have thought? It's seeing amazing success. 

Kiera and I are still very much in shock from the events since we launched. We would have been ecstatic just to cover our first months rent. We never imagined that it would blow up like it did. You guys have been unbelievable.

This just goes to show you how much strength there is in numbers. There is an entire community rallying behind this little girl. 

I went to Sunday mass last night and everything started to hit me. Tears started to roll down my cheek when I thought about the mercy that God has shown us. 

How do I say thank you? What did I do to deserve such support? 

I'm not worthy of this. I'm weak and broken in so many ways, so why would you grace me after all the bad things I've done over the course of my life?

Why?

Lord I am not worthy, but just say the word and I shall be healed. 

It's safe to say that I've been moved by this entire experience.

Thank you, Lord.

Belle Update: Feb 26

This girl is larger than life itself and yet she's still the smallest baby in the NICU. She should get some kind of award, don't you agree? Or at least a pretty ribbon 😃

The nurse told us today that certain babies on the floor (much larger than her) have a lot more issues going on. Some can't even breathe on their own while Belle has been breathing on her own since day two. She's only getting support from the CPAP (Continuous Positive Airway Pressure) mask. You can see that mask in most of her pictures (although it's deceiving in some ways). It looks intimidating but in fact it's only there for support. She is actually putting in all of the work! 

Everyone is so proud of her. 

So yes, we've been very fortunate with her health and the state that she's in. God has been so gracious and we pray that she continues to thrive and be strong. Over the last day or so she gained 30 grams, which is fantastic. 

Keep fighting little one.

It feels like everyone is on Team Arabella. Everyone is interested in her story. We're overwhelmed and very humbled by the outpouring of support. The fundraiser (to move closer to her) was a huge success and suddenly we find ourselves doing exactly what we set out to do. So we're doing it. 

A big thank you to everyone who's been keeping us in their thoughts and prayers. We love you and thank you.

Video: Belle saying "Hello everyone!"

We're settled in

Yesterday felt like a long day but we're all settled in finally at 140 Simcoe Street. We'll likely be here until Arabella is ready to come home. Thanks to everyone's help and contributions we were able to raise more than $6000 in less than 48 hours to help pay for this rental. Everyone has been so generous and kind. Now we're only a ten minute walk away from our little girl. 

How sweet it is. 

A doctor we spoke with yesterday was trying to remind us that this is a long road. Don't get too ahead of yourselves. It's not all going to be rosy. Hearing him say that (but not in those exact words) stuck with us a little bit. It plants a lot of doubt into our minds. But regardless, we'll remain positive. There are so many great things to be thankful for. Arabella is generally doing well so far. And although she is a tiny Tinkerbell, her gestational age of 29 weeks gives her an advantage compared to babies born at 24 or 25 weeks. 

The glass is half full. 

These preemies are fighters. So we're going to fight along side our little girl. We're going to be there to support her throughout every single day she's in the NICU. This is going to be our job in the months ahead. 

Since we're nice and close to her now, we've settled on Belle's handling times: 8am, 12pm and 4pm. It's an opportunity for us to change her diaper, check her temperature, and hold her (if she's stable enough that day). 

As Belle grows and develops in the NICU, we'll be able to do more and more with her. It's all very exciting and amazing. But like we've been told many times over and over again, this is a long journey. 

So we'll take it one day at a time.

Our first family photo

To everyone supporting us and praying for us and Arabella: Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. God has been so gracious to give us this chance. A chance we didn't think we would ever get. 

When we named Arabella we wanted to honour her beauty. It was the first name on our list of names. It stuck with us somehow (and even helped us through the bad times). Naming her in the womb symbolized her becoming a person. She was someone we started growing very attached to. Her name means beautiful, loving, lovable, and graceful. Of course. That makes sense. 

We only found out after she was born that Arabella also means "yielding to prayer" - derived from 'orabilis' in Latin. That's interesting. Yielding to prayer. It took me a bit of time to think about it further. Yielding to prayer. What does that mean? I still think about it here and there. 

Yield has two basic meanings. You can yield a profit. So essentially "produce". It can also mean to "give way to something". Kind of like how you would yield to traffic. You should slow down or stop in most cases since you don't have the right of way, right? So give way to prayer. Let prayer (and therefore God) take over. Let Him go and lead.

And this is how we deal. It's how Kiera and I have been dealing. Somehow through all of this we just know that God is with us. This is His child now and has been for a while. 

God bless baby Arabella. 

Belle Update: Feb 25

This little girl is something else. 

We heard her cry out for the first time. It was like nothing I've ever heard before. We were both moved.

The nurse said she looked a bit more pale today. I could notice it too. They sampled her blood just for precautions but it turned out that she was fine. Her hemoglobin was good too. She might have simply been tired from yesterdays long day. Today they had her weight written down as 520 grams. 

Nine days post c-section and Kiera finally gets to hold her little girl. Belle seemed very relaxed. Her eyes were wide open and you could tell she was observing and looking around. 

I wanted to savor this moment. 

Belle Update: Feb 24

Belle's doing well today. She's tuckered out from a long day of ultrasounds and x-rays. When we're not able to go and see her we call the NICU and they forward our call to the nurse who's taking care of her. For some reason we tense up every time we call. For the most part it's been great news. Regular preemie stuff. I pray to God that it continues. People have told us to brace ourselves for ups and downs, so we're a bit on edge. Can't help feeling scared. 

Apparently Belle was a great candidate for an IV PICC line today (so they took out her belly button line, and put a regular IV into her arm). This way we'll be able to have cuddle time without having to worry about her IV detaching from her belly. Much safer for everyone.

Hopefully tomorrow Kiera can finally cuddle her baby. I can tell that she really aches to hold her.

I'm baptized

This was two days ago. The day she was baptized. 

That tiny hat! 

A very nice chaplain at the hospital was able to give us a sterilized squeeze bottle and sterilized water. So much sterility. She said she obtained the squeeze bottle online from the Mennonites at a great a price. Ha!

A big thank you to Father Peter! God Bless baby Arabella!

Little sheep

This little sheep is the only real piece of furniture that we bought for the baby. After about week 21 or 22 we were too scared to buy anything else (due to the complications). Arabella was a severe IUGR baby and we were preparing for the worst. 

We had a few clothes for the baby in drawers, tucked away. They were out of sight. But this little sheep was always standing by. Watching. 

During the scary and uncertain times this sheep felt like it was tormenting me. Seeing it made me cry at one point, I'm pretty sure. I didn't want to see it. 

Now when I look at it, it reminds me of how close we were to losing her. Those memories and that fear is still too familiar. 

Hopefully when we come back home in a few months time it will be with a healthy, happy and thriving Arabella. This is our only wish right now.

Happy 'one week' Belle

At around this time last week Arabella was born. At 2:28pm, to be exact. Happy one week birthday. I remember the lead doctors words as soon as Belle came out. "Welcome to the world." 

It was an awesome sight. Nothing can prepare you for the first glimpse of your child coming into the world. I took at peek at Belle as she came out, her eyes still closed. She didn't make a sound. "She looks beautiful", I told Kiera. "I'm so proud of you. Thank you."

I stayed by Kiera's side that entire time as the doctors stitched up her uterus, and then her stomach. They were pushing down on her so hard. I had a rosary and I clutched it the entire time. "Please Lord just let this baby be okay", I was thinking to myself. We didn't know what condition she was in. She began showing signs of distress in the womb so we were just praying that she has enough strength to pull through (especially in the first few hours post-delivery). I was texting my family in the moments that she came out. "Baby is out," I remember writing. "Kiera is being stitched up."

Everyone was praying for us and this baby. Everyone was tuning in (so to speak) and going through the motions with us.

This is how things looked as the doctors were wrapping up and wiping Kiera down. The staff was so professional and caring. "Congratulations!" they kept telling me. It made me smile. I was so proud. 

Here we were, with Belle finally out of the womb, and in the weeks leading up to the c-section we thought we were going to lose her. We were waiting for her to get as close to 500 grams as possible before we took the plunge. It's such a leap of faith. 

We went from the lowest of lows, to the highest of highs. It feels like that day was so long ago. 

Making the move

Kiera and I are starting to pack our things to make the move downtown. 140 Simcoe Street to be exact. It's a fully furnished one bedroom suite. It's everything we need to be within a 10 minute walk to see our little girl. I'll post updates of our move and keep everyone informed. 

We've raised more than $6000 in less than 43 hours on this wonderful website called youcaring.com. Click here for the link.

Everyone has been so amazing and supportive. People we didn't even know have donated. Our wonderful close friends, family, old friends from high school, college, friends of friends, and even our wonderful coworkers have huddled around us and supported us. This little girl has brought everyone together. So many people have sent us messages of similar stories, their own battles with preemies, and what they've learned.

"Stay strong!" they say. "Keep up the good fight!" says another. It's music to my ears. We don't feel scared and alone any longer. Somehow, the weight has been lifted. Now we can focus all our energy on this little lady named Arabella. Mommy and daddy are on their way! Hold on tight!

Now we don't need to worry about paying our mortgage along with a rental. The money will be there and take care of itself. We can shift our attention to being there for our girl physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I truly can't thank everyone enough. You've helped so much.

You hear people say that one person can't make a difference. But in this case, 78 individual people have helped make the biggest difference. That's all it took. Seventy eight people banded together and now Kiera and I are secure for two whole months of worry free rent. The bills will get paid, the secondary stuff will fall into place. We can breathe. What a relief. 

Kiera would have been 29 weeks tomorrow. But Arabella needed to come out early, so we're going to continue to spend time with her like we did when she was in the womb. What a blessing she is. 

Yesterday we visited baby Belle with our dear friends Leandro and Melissa. It took us a bit over an hour to get down there from Pickering. Without traffic the drive is only 35 minutes, but anytime you're driving in the day, the commute drags you down. 

Soon we'll be a 10 minute walk away. We'll be able to be there for diaper changes, doctors rounds, classes, skin-to-skin bonding time, you name it. We're going to do it. 

I can't thank everyone enough. Please continue to follow us on this journey. It helps us knowing we have such a great community walking down this road with us.

Cheers to all the moms out there

Cheers to all the moms out there.

This was a photo from our first night at the hospital following the birth of little Arabella via c-section. You can tell Kiera has her precious baby on her mind.

Hours and hours later, when we're trying to sleep and finally get rest, one of us would wake the other one up and whisper "Psssttt!! Can you believe what just happened?" and the other would say "No! This is absolutely insane!" and then we'd talk for the next hour or two - - - until we were tired once again. Rinse and repeat. 

I don't know how anyone can sleep in a hospital. Maybe by the second night I slept 3-4 hours. That was a great night in comparison to the first one. 

The day Belle was born we didn't know we were going to have a c-section, it wasn't planned, but somehow we got the right signs from God that morning, all of the green lights to proceed, which in turn gave us the courage to do whatever we had to in order to get this baby out and give her a chance to thrive. My mom had a good feeling about everything. Kiera's mom had positive feelings as well. Mothers' intuition is something you just can't ignore.

At around 5am (14 hours post-surgery) Kiera finally had the strength to get up from her bed, shimmy into a wheelchair (obviously I helped), and we both went up to the 17th floor so she could see her baby girl for the first time. During the entire surgery, and even right after, Kiera never actually got to see her. There was too much going on. A drape covering her body below her neck prevented her from seeing anything at all. She would have fainted if she saw what was going on. I was lucky to have seen the baby come out, and then another 2-3 times before Kiera even got a tiny glimpse of her. It was a sacrifice she had to make. I do remember thanking her as soon as the baby came out. 

So once again, cheers to all the moms out there. To all the moms who have to battle through surgery and child birth, all of the pressure, pain, and anguish. They truly sacrifice everything for their children. And even if those children are 33 years old and have kids of their own, they'll always be your children. And mothers will always want what is best for their children, and do whatever it takes. So thank you mothers. 

This was my first photo of Belle. Welcome to the world little one!

Belle Update: Feb 23

Today we found out that her platelet count was low. I don't believe it's a cause for too much concern. I'm just learning now what it all means. Can we describe this as on-the-go-parenting? I have so much to learn.

I hear a lot of preemies go through this, though. Something about the blood not being able to clot. I just googled it. It's called thrombocytopenia. Uh-huh. Anyway, she had to increase those good clotting platelets and it's just a yellowish liquid that she gets via tube/IV, so it's not actually blood she's getting. I'm learning things!

Another worry we've been having is around her heart. The nurses have been telling us that her heart rate dips at certain points, but then comes back up. I'm almost sure this is normal too. It's just scary to think about her heart like that. Ugh. We need to stay positive. I came home today after visiting my parents and Kiera was crying in the kitchen. She's really scared. Hugs go a long way. I'm learning more things!

Her hemoglobin was also low today, so they've given her a bit more of that recently too. The staff at Mount Sinai are so great. It's like a Dream Team of doctors and nurses. Can't say enough about those guys. YOU DA REAL MVP'S.

Otherwise she's doing great. They keep telling us how wonderful she is. We're really lucky. We have so much to be thankful for! 

Tummy time!

I really like this shot. Kiera took this one. Great job, honey. 

Belle's had a lot of time on her belly now. Maybe two days or so. She really enjoys it. She's been sleeping every time we've seen her the last few days. I like how the nurses turn her over and make sure she's not sore on any given spot for too long. She's so pampered huh?

I've been afraid to touch her for the longest time, too scared to bring any contaminants into the incubator (I'm just overly paranoid) but for the last few days I've been patting Belle on her bum. I caressed her ever so softy and Kiera was instantly telling me to "stop doing it so hard". That's a mother's worry right there. Kiera's just as paranoid as I am. Great. Double the fun!

Feeling a little bit blue tonight

She reminds me of a little hockey player with that head-gear on. Warrior!

This picture was from last night. Driving downtown is easier after 8pm so Kiera and I decided to have a date night with baby gurl 😍😍😍

Allow me to introduce myself: my name is Arabella

This will be the first post of many. 

Since we started fundraising for a downtown rental suite (in order to be closer to Arabella), we've been so moved by the level of support and the entire community of people standing behind us. So many people were willing to help us through this journey. This odyssey, of sorts.  

Our little girl is a warrior - and even before she was born I knew that her strength was great. We've felt her kick since she was around 12 weeks old in Kiera's womb. I didn't even know you could feel a baby's kicks that early. This is our first child, afterall. Everything is new to me. I would put my hand on Kiera's belly and suddenly BOOP, there she was. Then nothing. And then BOOP there she was again. She would make me laugh. It would make us both smile. She brought us together and made us love each other so much more. 

I didn't know parents could bond so much with a baby inside the womb. I didn't know expecting dad's would get so attached to a baby girl that hasn't even come out yet. 

As the weeks continue, I'll tell you more about our journey, the lessons we've learned, and the people that have touched our hearts. 

Here she is today, Thursday February 23rd, merely 6 days old. She's weighing at 530 grams currently. Up 50 from the day she was born at 480 grams. A tiny little thing. A tiny baby Belle.