It takes two, baby

She looked like a vintage pilot here. "Poo bombs away!" I bet she would yell. 

Arabella would make a cute aviator, don't you think?

She's certainly flying high since coming home more than two weeks ago, that's for sure. She's adjusting well to life at home, and we're having a ton of fun with her (as you can clearly see...)

We finally found the baby sunglasses. They were too big for her, but they still did the trick. She can't handle being out for too long in the daylight 😎

Looking like a boss...

Belle sat outside in her bouncer while sucking on her soother for a good while. It was a really nice day. She was breathing the fresh air and taking in the sounds of the summer. She even napped for a little bit, too. It was the longest we've seen her enjoy the outdoors. 

All of us are slowly coming out of our shells...

Later in the afternoon I managed to convince Kiera to break away and go for a bike ride with me (while my mom graciously agreed to watch Arabella). 

"Come on Kiera, let's do something," I pleaded. "We both need to get out more. It's almost the end of the summer!"

Kiera's still finding it difficult to break away or relinquish control, and I've read that those are very common feelings after a long hospital stay. We're both trying to make up for lost time, in a way. But Kiera agreed to get out for a short while, and that was good enough for me. 

"It feels good to get out, huh Kiera?" (she's giving us the thumbs up)

As a couple, we need to do more things like this to help strengthen our relationship. We need to bring back some normalcy to our lives as well. We watched the entire spring and summer go by from inside the hospital walls. We put a lot of things on hold throughout this journey, so it's important to remember to take some time out for one another. 

Fresh air and exercise work wonders, too...

"Studies have shown that a child's serious illness is one of the most disruptive experiences a couple can go through. For long months parents may not have much time for each other. Perhaps because of the stark contrast with pre-baby times, sometimes couples who were the closest can feel the most painfully distant."

We've been exhausted physically and emotionally for months, there's no doubt about that. I'm not surprised that some couples are completely thrown off balance by such an experience. Luckily Kiera and I talk openly about a lot of things, and that includes misunderstandings. We try really hard not to let resentment lag on, and it has helped us move on from issues quicker. 

Communication has definitely been a key factor to overcoming a potential family crisis. We were tested time and time again. 

But all of the stress and anxiety in the NICU only seemed to bring us closer together, and we noticed it immediately. We found great strength in one another. 

"While for some couples a premature birth may destroy a relationship, for others it makes the relationship stronger. One study found that in the majority of cases, fathers and mothers of premature babies were each other's most vital source of support, sharing the special kind of love that parents have for their child."

I think being sympathetic to each other and talking about our feelings has kept us on the right path. And even though our lives were upside-down, at least they were upside-down together. That's the way we viewed it. 

Upside-down or right-side-up, it didn't matter. What mattered was that we always saw eye to eye 😉

Some days

Peaceful moments are always kind of special. You learn to cherish them 😉

"What are you saying, dad?"

"Oh, I'm not referring to you Belle. What I mean is that some days your mom and I have a lot going on. It can be peaceful one minute, and a little bit chaotic the next. You've seen it around here, right?"

Belle knows what I'm talking about 😄

Some days Kiera and I are super busy. Some days we're simply trying to accomplish too much. And some days we really overwhelm ourselves.

Then you get the odd day where it feels like you're constantly running behind schedule and you can never really catch up. Everything feels like it's rushed. Those days aren't fun. 

It's not always storybook bliss, is basically what I'm saying, and I think everyone is well aware of that reality. There's lots to do and manage when taking care of a baby. Some days are jam-packed with all sorts of stuff. And as parents, we all get moments of frustration. We forget to eat. We get cranky, too. Let's face it - we're all a bunch of babies some days 😊

Some days feel completely chaotic, and sometimes the chaos only lasts for a short while. That's why we all have to relish in those quiet, peaceful moments. 

But do you know when there's usually guaranteed peacefulness?

Between the hours of 10pm and 3am when Belle is in a deep sleep 😄. During that time she transforms into a sleeping Bella (who occasionally grunts and squeals like a little piggy). 

Anything after 3am is "at your own risk" territory, though. She starts to stir a lot more, but with a little consoling she can sometimes continue to sleep and rest until 5 or even 6am. She's a very good sleeper during the night, and we have absolutely no reason to complain.

So although some days are a little bit more chaotic than others, at the end of every day we always try to stop and thank God for this amazing miracle.

We're fortunate to be so busy. We should be grateful to be so overwhelmed sometimes. And we should never forget that.

Old habits die hard

Another day, another new outfit. That's the life of a Bella, I suppose 😄

Mom organized Arabella's wardrobe this morning. This is all ready to wear, ready to go, and in two months it'll likely never be seen again. Oh, that's the life of a Bella alright!

This damsel has two entire drawers full of onesies and pajamas alone! The closet is slowly expanding (I'm beginning to notice), and at this rate a dad like me will eventually drown in the pretty stuff. 

"Umm...stop exaggerating, dad."

Kiera and I are constantly cleaning and organizing, though, and we nearly have the place just the way we want it. We've essentially modified our main floor into "Bella's Place" 😊

We haven't made drastic changes, actually, but we've opened up our living space a little more. We found that it was important to be able to freely walk around with Belle, so we put away some chairs and adjusted some furniture. It meant less tripping hazards. Because wherever Belle goes, so too does her oxygen tubing (I think she has about 40 feet worth), and you'd be surprised how often it often gets caught on corners and edges. So we say the more open space, the better!

I can't wait until she goes cordless 😄

Every day we work on her head, neck and shoulder strength. They say that for a 3-4 month old baby you should aim for about 20 minutes of tummy time per day. Trying to keep her hands and elbows inside seems to be the hardest part!

Arabella still hasn't been able to finish an entire bottle since last week 😕. She'll take nearly half of her feed in 10 minutes, and then she'll do this...

At that point we'll give her a break. She won't suck and she refuses the nipple, so we'll wait to see if she wakes up again. She'll usually jolt herself awake in a matter of minutes, but she rarely takes more than a few extra swigs of the bottle afterwards. It all depends, but that's typically how it goes.

Bella's stuck in her ways sometimes, but at least she's predictable 😉

The good thing is that we know she can tolerate an entire feed by mouth (or via the gravity bag) in less than 30 minutes. To us she's really come a long way, and we'll continue to be patient with her bottle feeding. It's all we can do anyway!

"Naked baby!" is usually what Kiera yells when undressing Arabella. "Naked baby!"

Bella had a poop explosion today, which is always fun, isn't it? Actually, I must admit that we're still quite happy when we see her bodily functions working in good order. It's the weirdest thing. 

I guess old NICU habits die hard if we're still celebrating little things like that. Three cheers for poops and finished bottles! Three cheers for life at home with mom and dad, and to life overall! 💗

We have so much to be thankful for every single day!

The other woman (meet Lilianna)

"Dad has to come clean with you Arabella..."

"It's not easy for me to say this but...umm...there's another woman in my life. And I'm in love with her too."

"Oh! Dad, how could you!?" 😮 

Everyone, please allow me to introduce Lilianna. 

Lilianna's almost four years old. Her likes include afternoon trips to the park, Paw Patrol, a plain pepperoni pizza, juice, cuddles on the couch, and lots of ice cream cones 😊

Kiera and I are fortunate enough to be her Godparents. 

When Lilianna was born, she slowly sparked something inside me. She made me realize how much I want to be a father. 

I began to see a different side of Kiera, too. 

There's something so beautiful and authentic about children. Lilianna brought us both so much joy and laughter.  We were absolutely head over heels for her. 

She stole my heart. Simple and plain. And essentially, she was like the daughter we never had. 

As Lilianna grew up over the years, she showed me how amazing a father-daughter relationship could be.

She opened my eyes. I saw a new perspective I had never seen before. 

She was so sweet, too. 

Lilianna helped me around the house...

She fed me at the pool when I was hungry... 😂

We'd watch movies and cartoons together...

Go swim in lakes...

We'd go on all kinds of adventures...

We'd even share our ice cream (well, uncle Dan's portion anyway) 😄

And today my ice cream princess came to visit once again. An ice cream cone was had, of course, but more importantly, she finally got to see and meet her baby cousin Arabella.

Lilianna waited six months to meet Bella (she would sometimes refer to Arabella as "Baby Cinderella")

During Arabella's time in the hospital, children were never allowed inside the NICU doors (unless they were your own). In general, kids under 14 were asked to wait in the lobby. There were strict rules. 

It was always a let-down to our younger family members who traveled a distance to see Belle. 

Now that we're home, we've started to introduce Arabella to some of her younger family members like Lilianna. It's still not exactly perfect, since we're told to keep children at a distance, but we're getting closer to the end-goal. 

Cold and flu season during the school year might mean some more missed opportunities for family time too, so there are still some roadblocks we'll have to work around as a family. But what can you do?

We have to be apart for a little bit of time, but it means that we can be much closer when Arabella's stronger. 

We can get through this!

Calling the shots

The adventure of this little mouse continues...

"Whoa, is this MY hand?"

"Oh, and there's another! Mmmm yep, that tastes good!"

It was reasonably warm out today, but you would never know it by looking at Belle. Mom and dad had her bundled for the outdoors like it was November 😂

To be fair, though, it was windy at times. But can you tell we're the parents of a preemie? 

We're really not that crazy you guys. But we're getting crazy in a few other ways...

Cold and flu season is 8 weeks away, and we're already wondering how we're going to get through it. Crazy or not, it will be an apprehensive fall and winter for all of us.

One particular virus called RSV has us especially concerned. It's a highly contagious virus, but in most healthy adults it only causes mild cold symptoms. 

It can be a doozie for a term baby that is under 6 months, and it could spell real trouble for a preemie like Arabella.

She's due to receive her first shot to help fight against RSV in the next month or two. The drug is called Synagis (it's technically not a vaccine) and we've started to do our homework on it. Like every drug Belle's ever taken, there's a ton of reasons for it, and a ton of reasons against it. 

The shot is insanely expensive too (thousands of dollars per shot), and it's typically given every month. So by April 2018 Arabella could potentially go through $5-9K worth of Synagis injections. 

"Dadda, did...did you just say injections?"

Ugh, I know Arabella. I know. 😔

And get this...in 2015 the province of Ontario spent over $20M (for over 3000 infants) on Synagis injections alone. Check out this interesting article by the CBC.

We know Arabella qualifies for the drug, so it wouldn't be a cost to Kiera and I directly. But does Arabella need it? That's the real question...

We're going to carefully weight all the options. We're going to continue to do our research, like we always have, and we'll let you guys know what we find. 

It's time to hit the books again, mom and dad.

Fun Friday

Today was a fun Friday.

There's nothing better than hanging out at home with Arabella. So many activities! So much undivided attention! Does it get any better than this?

"How about we go on a walk Belle? What do you think?"

That's one happy momma right there 😊

Belle's been out for a few walks and outings with us, but each time the daylight is simply too much for her. 

It takes her a while to get used to it, even under the shade of the covers. I swear, next time we're getting out the baby sunglasses! 😎

She fell asleep on the walk back home, so we decided to spend some time in our tiny backyard. A chance for some more fresh air.

Ten minutes later Belle was done with her nap 😄 so dad picked her up and walked with her. I helped her touch the cedar trees and I think she was fascinated by the texture.

In the shade it was a touch cooler, so we switched her hat for one that would cover her ears. 

"Oh shoot, it's 3pm! Quick mom, warm the bottle!"

We typically feed her left-side lying. Apparently it's easier for her to swallow in this position, it's very natural, and she's less likely to aspirate.

We've picked up all sorts of tricks from nurses and occupational therapists, and of course we do our own research, too. We've tried all kinds of positions and techniques. Somehow the left lying gets the best results. 

Bella didn't finish any of her bottles either today 😕 but that's okay. She's still a superstar 😃

It was bath night so in the early evening we washed her and gave her a new outfit.

Following her bath we played for a while longer, and eventually she tired out. She's such a fantastic little lady. We all had a great day!