After the trauma

Sometimes when I look at Belle I think to myself, "Boy, we're lucky to have her alive. God has been incredibly good to us."

It could have been so different, and I often forget about the struggle that we faced even before she was born. In the two months leading up to her birth we were living in utter heartache. We were wishing and praying for a miracle because no one at the clinic believed Arabella had a chance. 

And now here she is, happy and playful as ever. It's hard to put all those feelings into words sometimes...

Last night Kiera had a dream nightmare that we were back at the high-risk clinic. That's where they had us preparing for the worst. And it got me thinking, "Did Kiera have a flashback, of sorts? Can parents develop post-traumatic stress disorder after an experience like this? Is it even possible?"

The answer: Yup, you better believe it. It really does happen (although I highly doubt that either of us would ever be diagnosed with full-fledged PTSD). But it's an interesting topic, so I looked into it further...

"People who have gone through a traumatic experience involving the possibility of imminent death or serious injury to themselves or a loved one are at risk of developing PTSD. Experts believe that a premature baby's birth and hospitalization can be stressful enough to cause this reaction, too."

One particular father of extremely premature triplets (who happened to be an army officer) said that he had never been as afraid as when his babies were in in the NICU. He said, "Those days in the NICU are still the hardest of my life. I would relive the toughest moments in Iraq every day to never have to experience the NICU and see my girls struggle like that again. Rest assured, the NICU is combat. It is not like combat, it is combat. The difference is that in combat people are shooting at you, while in the NICU the bullets are the roller coaster of your own emotions. In combat, you're worried for the lives of the soldiers you trained. In the NICU, the soldiers are the children you created."

One symptom of PTSD is the reliving of pieces of the traumatic experience through flashbacks. "A flashback can be triggered by an experience - such as a beep that sounds like the alarm of the monitor in the NICU, a phone ringing in the middle of the night, or a baby's new illness - or it can occur for no apparent reason. A flashback feels like you're back in the experience, reliving it intensely all over again."

Another symptom of PTSD is avoidance. For example, you might avoid driving anywhere near the hospital where your baby was in the NICU or never look at her early baby pictures. "At its extreme, avoidance could lead to skipping follow-up doctor appointments or denying real problems or symptoms your baby has, putting her health in danger."

A third symptom of PTSD is heightened arousal, a kind of high alert or constant fear. "It may be specific - a fear that your child might die or get sick again, leading you to be overly protective - or more of a generalized sense of hypervigilance and anxiety pervading your daily life."

Almost all parents of premature babies experience one or more of these reactions, but it doesn't mean we're suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. 

"Only when these symptoms become persistent, interfering with normal functioning during the day and sleep at night, or when they are accompanied by other psychological problems like depression or substance abuse, would a person be diagnosed with PTSD."

Those are all extreme parental responses, and Kiera and I don't need to be concerned. But it's always good to be aware, right? We don't want to develop worrisome responses that can be disruptive to Arabella's well-being and development. That's why it's so important to talk openly about your feelings with your family, friends, or a mental health professional. 

Knowing is half the battle! 😉